with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm passing your future prison.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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