He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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