you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
