so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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