the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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