Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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