I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize