I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
