Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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