the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
