I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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