Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
