Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
