i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Terrible idea I love it
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
