I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Pants are for mortals
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize