Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
