i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
