Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
