This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
