I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Is Oprah even human
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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