What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
