shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
