Cold hands, warm shart.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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