my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
