1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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