Whatcha textin bout Willis?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
