Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
