Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I enjoy the company of your penis
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize