I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
