No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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