the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
