Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
