U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Your tits are I can't wait for
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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