You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
