never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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