Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
