you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
