so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize