um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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