aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
