This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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