I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
