ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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