i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
