I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
