Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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