You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize