Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
