Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
