I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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