you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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