I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
