She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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