If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
