Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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