Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
where are you?
Hypothermia
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
