So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
