He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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