no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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