White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
