just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
