so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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