he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
