marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
