My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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