I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
