You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
