Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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