So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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