lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
